JCR Committee: Euan Gillespie

2005–6: Academic and Access Officer

A dashing Darcy of a man possessed of a stunning sartorial elegance and outrageous wit Evan Giles-Pie would be an asset to any JCR.

As a consequence of an overzealous spellchecker Euan Gillespie may well have received his position by mistake.

A charlatan who only pretends to be Scottish to attract attention, he arrived in Cambridge from Surrey with a ludicrous haircut, a penchant for dressing in drag and a nice line in leather jackets. He retains all three.

Although sufficiently pale and rain-tolerant already, such is his dedication to the role he has even succeeded in mangling his vowels through a rigorous regime of Irn-Bru and Tunnocks’ Caramel Wafers, an adherence to made-up words like “Haver” and a strict refusal to pronounce “grass” properly.

But poor pronunciation and heart disease will only get you so far… Witness his purchase of a kilt and his pretence of malcoordination on the football field. However this has led to undesirable side effects. He now sees things only in shades of orange, is fixated on the word “girders”, and is in danger of being capped by the national side. He has also considered purchasing a deep fat fryer, and would like any offspring to be called Rab (boy) or Alana (girl).

As a supposed cultural arbiter he has claimed to like both Idlewild and the Proclaimers (specifically “I’m gonna be (500 miles)”), but this has been deemed false on the grounds that he is (A) clearly too old for Idlewild and (B) nobody likes the Proclaimers. Equally all tales of being cared for by a Special Brew drinking maternal grandmother are lies, and he did not once have a toy bought for him using Rothmans’ coupons.

What can be confirmed about this man is that he is the owner of the shiniest saucepans in college, has discovered that Land Law textbooks make attractive paperweights, and may (according to his father) drive like his mother. Worryingly, he admits that he would like to dance with wolves but is currently satisfied with walking. Indeed, he is unsure whether wolves can actually dance and doesn’t want to infringe copyright. He had also hoped to make friends with RON, feeling that they might have much in common.

Those wishing to track him down may be successful in the bar or television room where he is often “on the way” to the library.

He lives in fear of male pattern baldness.

Now for the serious part…

This position on the JCR incorporates two different roles. On the Access side, the aim is to encourage people from diverse backgrounds to apply to Corpus especially when they may be discouraged from doing so under normal circumstances. This is achieved through the College’s Northern Ireland initiative, school visits and tours, and CUSU initiatives such as the Target campaign. Almost all of these require a great deal of student support. My job is to help drum up that support (!) help circulate the CUSU information within College, and also liase with the College itself over the Access issues.

As for the Academic part of my split personality, this basically involves offering support on the academic front for anyone experiencing difficulties so that they can be properly addressed.

Any queries in either area, just grab me in College (I’m often loitering) or drop me an email.